6. Identify problems, but avoid helping in the solution.

This might seem like an obvious one, but over fifteen years of experience would suggest it isn’t so. There is nothing wrong with noticing faults. The church staff and leadership need help identifying areas in which they can be better. However, dropping the “we need to do more local missions” and the walking out the door is not helpful. Demanding that the church offer small groups, then not signing up, doesn’t help. We all want to do more local missions. We all want people in small groups. If you want to be miserable in your new church, be sure to notice all the flaws, but never assist in being part of the solution.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” -Eph. 4:29

7. Vent to fellow church members about EVERYTHING

“Misery loves company.” While this is true, there is more sinister aspect to misery: misery creates company. No one needs help being critical. Everyone is pretty good at assuming uncharitable motives to others. If you want to be miserable at your new church, find a group of other people seeking to be miserable, and start chatting.

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” -1 Peter 4:8-9

8. Don’t invite your friends.

There is a common bond that often supports consistent church attendance: relationships. People are genuinely more comfortably and happy when surrounded by people they like. If you find yourself a “loner” in your church, people often take one of three paths: they leave, remain miserable, or invite their friends. If you theologically align with your church, leaving shouldn’t be the answer, but neither should being miserable. So, when is the communion of the saints the most fulfilling, blessed time? It’s when you commune with the saints who are your friends. Make new friends and invite old ones, otherwise, misery is on its way.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” -Matt. 28:19-20

9. Ignore your private devotional life.

The church was never meant to be the sum total of our devotional lives. It is to guide, instruct, commune, and grow, but the three hours a week spent at church are never enough to move a Christian from milk to meat. Spiritual immaturity leads to moral immaturity. If you want to be miserable at your new church, be sure to starve your personal devotional life.

“For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child” -Hebrews 5:12-13

10. Avoid community.

The local church is more than Sunday school, Sunday service, and a midweek study. The local church should do life together. This means, if at all possible, attend a church in your local community. Attend inter-generational events. Mentor younger people and be mentored by elders. Go to the extra activities and meetings. Let the local church be your people. Share each other’s burdens. If you want to be miserable in your new church, remain in the periphery. That way, someone can introduce themselves to you at church after you’ve been attending for a year and cause everyone within earshot second-hand embarrassment.

“Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” -1 Cor. 12:27