I think one of the more common misconceptions regarding teenagers is that they are difficult to understand. Or maybe, it’s not teens but teen culture that throws us for a loop. But, if fifteen years of student ministry has taught me anything, it’s that teens don’t really change. Teens all struggle with the same things. Teens all need the same things. However, teens do present a mirage that makes us believe they are different than we once were. But behind the mirage is the same old reality: the adolescent years are tough, and there are specific issues that every generation of teens endure.

Think about a lizard. You are working in the yard and you see a brown lizard on the brick wall. You continue about your work. A few minutes later, you see another lizard, two feel away from where you just saw the other one, except this one is on a leaf and it is green. We all know that this, in all likelihood, is not a different lizard. It’s the same lizard that’s trying to fit in with its new surroundings. Why? The lizard is trying to camouflage itself because it is afraid.

Welcome to teen culture. Teens are just lizards.

Your teens are struggling with insecurity, identity, sexuality, and responsibility. If you remember, these are the same thing you struggled when you were a teen. The problems haven’t changed, just the form of expression. Your kids are doing everything they can to blend in with their surroundings and that’s why they look different to you and me.

So, the bottom line is teens don’t change, YOU change. Teen culture isn’t lost on adults. It’s just camouflaged.

YOU stopped watching teenaged shows.

YOU stopped making immature jokes.

YOU started thinking about a career.

YOU started watching the news.

YOU didn’t evolve to the next social media platform.

Don’t blame teens for being difficult. It’s no their fault that we grow out of their context and then come to believe that they are so different than we were.

The Challenge

So, here’s the challenge: reflect and remember what you needed as a teen. Because that’s what your teens need today.

Yes, it looks different on the outside. But that’s just because they have moved to rest on something brown instead of something green.

Obviously, we can argue that teens today have easier access to detrimental things. Pornography is available at a touch. Bullying can be accomplished digitally. Body image is constantly thrown before our eyes. Of course it’s more accessible. Of course it’s more prevalent, but that doesn’t mean it’s new or different.

In fact, I might even argue that, in many ways, part of my job is easier than it has ever been.

I don’t need a teen to tell me about cultural pressure: I can see it for myself. I can and should walk into discipleship moments armed with the knowledge of the particular shade of culture my students are hiding amongst. I would argue that parents also have a better idea of their teens’ struggles than their parents did when they were a teen.

All of that being said: teens are not difficult to figure out.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that the struggles teens face in the adolescent phase of life are unprecedented before and unparalleled afterwards. The season is difficult, helping solve the problems is difficult, but knowing what teens need is not.

The difficulty lies not in understanding them, but in effectively helping them.